The End.

The End.

Well, I guess it happens. 

Things get old. Time and constant use takes a toll on, well, anything.

My computer is going to die soon. It's been slowing down a lot and not functioning like it used to when I first opened this sweet white smooth rectangle.

When I got it, it was a symbol of growing up. I had saved up $1,000 because I couldn't settle on a PC. I was a fresh graduate of the University of North Florida and got by with campus computers for all of my assignments. But the day finally came when I got to take one home. 

I remember the first time I got to settle in, in my very own room, in a bathrobe, sitting on the cutest reading chair I had ever seen, propping my feet up and opening my laptop. It was like my own little world. I didn't have to share it. It was brand new and shiny and mine. Even the noise it made when it powered on made me feel special and embarrassingly, it made me smile. I know. Such a simple thing that a four year old doesn't even notice anymore when she turns on her personal electronic device. But as a child of the '80s and '90s the closest thing I ever had to my own electronic device was when my brothers weren't home and I got to be in charge of the remote control.

Yes, there were video games, but, like I said, I had two brothers.

I know this is cheesy but I grew a lot through the course of having this laptop. I started a blog and got pretty decent feedback on it. It encouraged me to write. I could write whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, for as long as I wanted. Not just because of the laptop but because of where I was at in life. I was as free to roam and travel as this cordless little device. I was free to eavesdrop on other conversations in coffee shops and they would have no idea! I could get lost in my thoughts, communicate them, and not worry what anyone would think. I have so many typed journal entries/ almost blog posts on this computer. It has seen me through the most healthy introspective season of my life.

This thing has been to Greece! It came on my honeymoon.

I know the common sense people reading this are probably thinking, get over it. you're not going to lose anything if you back it up. All of your secret journal entries that you don't want anyone to see will still be there. But it's more than stuff. It's the ending of a large chunk of my life.

From the time I graduated college to my first year of marriage- 2009-2013…a lot has changed in me. and this computer has seen all of it. 

So, I guess, I just want to conclude the life of my little laptop and this blog by saying- it's been fun-it's been real-and it's time to move on. I hope I can be as open in the future as I have been in the past. I hope I can take in everything life has to offer in this new season. 

I'm going to go on blogging, but my life no longer consists of long days at the coffee shop. So I'll base my new blog on the new things in my life. I hope you come along and enjoy the ride. 

The one where I get married tomorrow

The first time I walked down that aisle, my Dad was standing at the altar. I had a wreath of flowers on my head and was carrying a basket-full of rose petals. I nervously made it to the end of the aisle where my brother David the ring-bearer stood.

It was the first of many weddings I would see my Dad officiate.

At every wedding I've seen him do he always kept it short and sweet, he always made them laugh, and he always said these words… "now repeat after me…"

Tomorrow afternoon I will walk down that aisle with my Dad by my side and I will nervously make it to the end where I will meet more than just my older brother. After giving me away, my Dad will then stand at that altar and say…

"now repeat after me…"

"…to have and to hold in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, for better or for worse, forsaking all others until death do us part."

My advice to anyone is to know these vows, even if it's just in the back of your mind, or the general idea is grasped, you need to read them. Know that when you start dating someone and you think you might want to marry that person, what you're really saying is…I love and like you enough to be with you forever. I would love you and stand by your side even if you lost your health, wealth or even your common sense. I'm serious. This is serious.

There is a lot of weight in the vows taken at a wedding and it would be a shame for someone to hear them for the first time at their own. 

So please google it or ask a pastor for a copy of theirs and just know that it's for real. Culture may not think so, the whole world may not think so. Hollywood definitely doesn't think so. But you have to know that the last thing your wedding is about is your dress, hair, makeup or flowers You could cut all of that out and just have a pastor, a witness and those vows and it would be just as meaningful to God. Because, after all, you're not just standing before your pastor. You're standing before God.

At the end my Dad always says "What God has put together, let no man put asunder"...that is one of my favorite parts, because he gets this powerful tone in his voice and it's like he's speaking it with all his might, with the power of God backing him up. proclaiming the sanctity of what has just happened... What is about to happen...

A Series of Domesticated Roommates

I've moved around quite a bit over the past 2 years… I've lived with about 15 different people. In each of the last 4 places I've lived I've had a roommate who is especially gifted in the area of domesticity (or making a house a home and keeping it pretty). Now, on my own i would say that making a house a home means that people have to live in it. I know this is partly true, but i've come to learn that the way you keep your house has something to do with it too.

i'm watching an old old couple right now in Barnes and Noble, they are in their 80's at least. The wife just picked a better homes magazine and flipped cautiously through the pages like they were made of tissue paper, her husband pinched down the two pages that kept wanting to impede on what she was reading. she pulls out her reading glasses to read and after a second, decides they should just buy it. she stays, standing guard with her purse and piece of cheesecake while her husband takes the better homes magazine to be purchased. I'm guessing it would have taken twice as long for both of them to make the walk.

I'm getting married in 64 days and 5 hours. I'm about to step into the position of Mrs. Domesticity. To many women this is a dream come true…what they've always waited for! A house to settle down in and make pretty. For me it's precisely what I never expected. (Isn't that how God works? (rhetorical)). I expected to move into a hut in africa…or…at best, a temporary apartment in the U.S.

But no, God is blessing me with an amazing husband and an actual house…one with a secure roof and a backyard. Not just any backyard at that. This backyard has a fountain! a fountain!!! Oh, and I'm not finished, it has not one, but TWO sheds. One for Joe to call his man cave and one for me to call my art studio (don't tell Joe but I might be more excited about that than the actual house).

You know how the Bible says to honor the Lord, to be righteous, to walk out your faith and be concerned with the things of God and He will give you the desires of your heart…He will take care of the rest if you will just do the task he's placed in front of you and work on the heart he's placed inside of you?

Well, This season, this man, this house, this financial security is God keeping his promises to me. I am in the middle of God going above and beyond what I could have ever wished for or imagined.

So hold on. Hold on if you've been waiting for your dreams to come true. They truly will and they honestly might not look a thing like what you expected. In your deepest darkest times, open your ears to His whispered promises. Listen closely and hold them with your hand wide open.

The place I never thought I'd be

I've been trying to figure out lately where my mind was when all the other girls were planning their weddings and dreaming of prince charming. I imagine it would have been like that scene from the beginning of bridewars where the two girls are playing wedding upstairs in the attic. I did have friends who wanted to play some sort of dream relationship. One friend wanted to sing love songs to the guy she liked. but the only love songs she knew were worship songs. and the only other person in the room was me. which was rather convenient for her since I looked a lot like my older brother.The object of her affection. Yeah.

I'll give you a second to recover with me.

So I imagine that scene from bride wars and I think, if you had looked out of the attic window, you would have seen someone inspecting some inanimate object like a leaf or a dead blade of grass. That gawky little girl with big frizzy hair, glasses, acne, and too much of the wrong shade of foundation. mesmerized and completely content. That would be me. 

My mom said my incredible awkwardness was just God protecting me from all the guys out there. Well, God is pretty genius. I didn't have my first boyfriend until i was in my mid-twenties.

Don't get me wrong. Every once in a while I'd attract a guy. but it was usually another ploy from God to keep them away. They were typically "not my type"…at all.

Once I was at a wrestling match with a friend, for her brother. She didn't have the same protective shield that God so graciously provided me with. She was pretty. So when she so easily would talk to a guy, i would sit awkwardly next to his friend, watching them flirt. well, I guess he wanted to strike up a conversation so he pulled out his wallet…i watched him flip through little papers as he said, look what my aunt gave me… I had my first sideways-angle view of a condom. But i didn't know that's what it was at the time. Most guys I knew or talked to didn't even carry wallets (I babysat a lot). Now let me help you picture my face. You know when your friend is really excited to show you something and you want to be excited with them but you have no idea what it is. it's that face of interested confusion while saying "ooooooh, huh, cooooooool". I don't know what happened after that. I'm pretty sure he got up and walked away.

Yeah. so, again, I'm trying to remember what I was doing when my friends were planning their weddings and I'm pretty sure I was jumping up and down on my mom's bed with my best friend singing that sandi-patti song, Friends, "F.R.I. E.N.D., THAT IS WHAT WE'RE HERE TO BE"

I was more interested in playing and jumping and creating brilliant dances and skits to sandi patti songs. Now, a cool story would be that I grew up to be a brilliant dancer or actress. But, no, I find myself in this place I never thought I'd be. In a serious relationship…thinking about marriage. AAAHHHH freak out with me please, if you know me at all. (If you're thinking, oh my gosh i can't believe she's writing this on her blog…it's ok, we've talked about it, he's kind of a planner). But there's something amazing about it. There's something so (…I wish i had a better word, but…) amazing about spending time with someone who makes you laugh louder than you did at your best friends sweet 16 slumber party; or makes you act goofier than you did at midnight in buying cookie dough at walmart with your best friends. There's something so inspiring about a relationship that makes you want to write more, create more, drink more (water)  so that when you're together you don't have a headache from dehydration. Want to know what else is so amazing? Dating someone amazing has made me want to start cooking!? WHAT? who am I? I'm actually going to leave you with that final note since I"m on my way to my grandma's to learn how to make rolled grapeleaves…no, I'm not kidding and I'm not from the 17th century, I'm going to take cooking lessons from my grandma. Because being in love makes you do things you wouldn't normally do.

Let's say...

Let's say you sit in a coffee shop and start typing. Then, let's say you notice some guy staring at you out of the corner of your eye. What would you do? you should probably just keep typing. (That didn't actually happen... hence the 'let's say')

Let's say you own a coffee shop and you want to attract customers…would you turn the A/C on? please turn the A/C on…

Let's say you want to write a blog but you can't because someone around the corner just burped so loud. 

Let's say you get annoyed with me saying "let's say".

the guys to my right are listening to you're a jerk…they work here…now one is dancing the dougie but i can't see him…now it's the running man

Let's say you could rap like this…

I just showed this video to the coffee shop guys and their response was…"she would make the most awesomest wife"….mental noting that one...

then they watched this…

skill, right?

I thought I was going to be a little more deep today...or share some of my heart... Buttttttt I wasn't quite feeling deep enough...maybe soon I'll have a more insightful blog with some super fun details about my life... but not tonight :)

Enjoy, ya?

What's the big Idea?

I'm about to go home and do an art project. I just wanted to share the inspiration with you all because I think it's pretty stinking cool...

Picture from www.megduerkson.typepad.com

check out her process here!

I'll try to post some pics of mine soon!

P.S. I am sitting outside of a coffee shop and I've recently been contemplating if it's wrong to go into coffee shops and not get anything to drink. I tend to go in just to people watch and use the internet... thoughts?

Have a great Tuesday!

To become a Christian you must first read and understand every other religion in the world. Otherwise you are narrow minded...

There are two men sitting across from me speaking in arabic. 

When I saw them walking in I thought it was funny because they look like italian mobsters. dressed really nicely and driving fancy cars. There was one connection I failed to make.

They came in while I was reading… Immediately one started calling me a name. Not an inappropriate name, an actual name, like runna or something. I didn't realize they were talking to me. I looked up and they said, are you runna? Nope. Oh, they said, you look exactly like our friend's daughter. Oh, haha. Turns out I could actually be their cousin.

They asked if I was arabic. I am syrian. they are lebanese. I listed of some of my families' last names like a good arabic girl, one of them said, oh, you're a Barraket? (well, yes, kind of, I'm related to the Barraket's, we actually say Barket, but Barraket is the proper way, just roll the R and add an a). 

cousin.

they then wanted me to prove my syrian residency, joking of course. They settled for the fact that I knew what taboulli was.

Then they tested my arabic, of which I speak none. They asked if I knew the arabic word for money. their way of asking was using the arabic word for money. I of course, to reiterate my point, said no. I don't know what massa-something means. Oh, haha, you no use no money, haha. Oh, haha, I said, yeah my parents never taught me arabic, they thought I said my parents didn't teach me money. sooo funny.

one just got up to leave, they have been sitting across from me this whole time. 

the other older one asks again for my dad's name. he's sure he's met him. I show him a picture of him and my mom on my computer. still nothing…

We never drew the connection but I'm sure it has something to do with real estate.

since he didn't go back to his seat I felt somewhat obligated to keep talking. he asked how many boyfriends I have. I probably should have lied. and said at least one. it was far from my mind that he would be hitting on me. He was like 40! I told him I go to the church around the corner and have a lot of guy friends who are like brothers. Just to get the point across that if I went missing people would notice. 

To try to deter him or at least turn off his desire for conversation I took the conversation in a direction I thought would cause him to leave. God and church. I very quickly felt like I was talking to an art student at UNF. He believes in the whole there are many ways to God. different religions are all right. no one is wrong. as long as you believe there is a God. 

well, hello every person I every reached out to in college. I knew exactly how it would end as soon as it started. Let's agree to disagree. 

But I couldn't just end it. I was in this conversation. somewhat unprepared. 

To type out everything we discussed would take a while…I'll do some bullet points:

-who Jesus is. (we disagreed)

-how to choose your religion(we disagreed)

-who goes to heaven or hell (we disagreed)

-how to talk about religion and what you believe (we disagreed)

-if the Bible is truth(disagreed)

Someone once said, in order to argue well, one must start with communicating the definitions. we can argue over how to run a business but if we don't define certain words or what the business is, we will argue in circles.

I must say, there were many times when I was lost for words. Then there were times when I had too many words and had to choose them wisely. Ultimately he wanted me to talk about religion and God without posing my own beliefs. I explained that I cannot separate who I am from what I believe. He found that among many things that I said to be bogus.

Five Books:

He posed a question. He was trying to explain that I am only a Christian because it is how I was raised and If I were raised another religion I would be that. 

question: if you had no prior knowledge of the Bible and you were told to go into this room with 5 books on a table. you have to choose which one you will follow to live your life. how would you choose? 

I answered, well, I would read one, taking into account how it affects me and then read the next until I found the right one.

He felt he made his point. I've only read the Bible and since I haven't read all the other options I am narrow minded and what I think is the only way to Christ is only that because it's all I know.

I answered back: Do you mind if I ask you a question. Sure he said, proud and smiling and intrigued.

I asked. Let's say you are put in a room with 5 women. One of them is to become your wife. 

Do you have sex with each one to figure out who your wife is?

He answered, if that is an option, then yes.

I answered back: See, this is where I disagree. I don't think I need to know every book in order to know that the Bible is the Truth. The absolute truth.

The conversation went on. and as I suspected we ended on me saying. Let's just agree to disagree. He laughed. because in his mind, he still agrees with me. and every other religion. (I've been to enough interfaith committee meetings to know the difference between modern tolerance and the definition of tolerance.) I will and did listen to his opinion and made it clear that I disagree and he made it clear that I'm being narrow minded. I agreed. proudly.