Vacuum Cleaners and Me

I have an issue. vacuum cleaners.

I don't actually own one, but the ones I encounter are giving me issues. 

The one at my house is busted.Enough said. But I'm not really complaining about that, I can solve this by purchasing one for myself. Here are my other issues.

Today I went to the gas station to…hold your breath… get gas. Unlike usual, I also needed to vacuum my car out. I had in my possession one quarter and one dollar bill. issue #1. issue #2, the vacuum at the Gate station was blocked by a big white truck with no driver in sight. perfect. so I left.

Late last night I was working at Anthropologie in Jacksonville when my manager asked me to vacuum the fitting rooms. issue. times 3.

#1- the vacuum cleaner we use is the same one we used in Durham… It's a retired ghost buster machine. it straps onto the back and is as long as half of my body. I know i'm not very tall but still. So I'm going for it. I plug it in with the 20ft extension cord and guess what…issue #2: the tubey part works but not the attachment. yes, the attachment that makes it possible to vacuum a space bigger than a circle 1 inch in diameter didn' t work. I asked for help but to no avail. After about 10 minutes of frustration I put down the vacuum cleaner in order to get the other one. I'm not sure of the reason but it was the reject vacuum cleaner. Located in the side room where no one goes. there's a high pitch noise that sounds like robotic girls screaming. and it echoes because this tiny L shaped room is more like a ware house. I think to myself. this is the perfect place for a scene in a horror movie. I pick up the dirt devil hoping it was not the reject vacuum because of it's lack of ability to suck, I turn around and… yes.Issue #3: the door was locked behind me. I was locked in the creepy room with the screaming girls and a vacuum cleaner that reminded me with a taped piece of notebook paper not to throw away the filter when I clean out the dust bunnies that so faithfully congregate in anthro's fitting rooms. Oh how lovely. 

I pull out my cell phone and ask my manager to come let me out. upon opening the door she shows me the code just in case this happens again, then she points to the swinging door to my right, yes, swinging, as in, it doesn't lock. She also shows me the doorstop I could have used. so many possible ways for me not to look incompetent. So, I vacuumed. it was grand.

These are my vacuum cleaner issues.

What does this have to do with a coffee shop?

I don't know, but I was sitting in a coffee shop when I wrote this so that counts for something :)