The place I never thought I'd be

I've been trying to figure out lately where my mind was when all the other girls were planning their weddings and dreaming of prince charming. I imagine it would have been like that scene from the beginning of bridewars where the two girls are playing wedding upstairs in the attic. I did have friends who wanted to play some sort of dream relationship. One friend wanted to sing love songs to the guy she liked. but the only love songs she knew were worship songs. and the only other person in the room was me. which was rather convenient for her since I looked a lot like my older brother.The object of her affection. Yeah.

I'll give you a second to recover with me.

So I imagine that scene from bride wars and I think, if you had looked out of the attic window, you would have seen someone inspecting some inanimate object like a leaf or a dead blade of grass. That gawky little girl with big frizzy hair, glasses, acne, and too much of the wrong shade of foundation. mesmerized and completely content. That would be me. 

My mom said my incredible awkwardness was just God protecting me from all the guys out there. Well, God is pretty genius. I didn't have my first boyfriend until i was in my mid-twenties.

Don't get me wrong. Every once in a while I'd attract a guy. but it was usually another ploy from God to keep them away. They were typically "not my type"…at all.

Once I was at a wrestling match with a friend, for her brother. She didn't have the same protective shield that God so graciously provided me with. She was pretty. So when she so easily would talk to a guy, i would sit awkwardly next to his friend, watching them flirt. well, I guess he wanted to strike up a conversation so he pulled out his wallet…i watched him flip through little papers as he said, look what my aunt gave me… I had my first sideways-angle view of a condom. But i didn't know that's what it was at the time. Most guys I knew or talked to didn't even carry wallets (I babysat a lot). Now let me help you picture my face. You know when your friend is really excited to show you something and you want to be excited with them but you have no idea what it is. it's that face of interested confusion while saying "ooooooh, huh, cooooooool". I don't know what happened after that. I'm pretty sure he got up and walked away.

Yeah. so, again, I'm trying to remember what I was doing when my friends were planning their weddings and I'm pretty sure I was jumping up and down on my mom's bed with my best friend singing that sandi-patti song, Friends, "F.R.I. E.N.D., THAT IS WHAT WE'RE HERE TO BE"

I was more interested in playing and jumping and creating brilliant dances and skits to sandi patti songs. Now, a cool story would be that I grew up to be a brilliant dancer or actress. But, no, I find myself in this place I never thought I'd be. In a serious relationship…thinking about marriage. AAAHHHH freak out with me please, if you know me at all. (If you're thinking, oh my gosh i can't believe she's writing this on her blog…it's ok, we've talked about it, he's kind of a planner). But there's something amazing about it. There's something so (…I wish i had a better word, but…) amazing about spending time with someone who makes you laugh louder than you did at your best friends sweet 16 slumber party; or makes you act goofier than you did at midnight in buying cookie dough at walmart with your best friends. There's something so inspiring about a relationship that makes you want to write more, create more, drink more (water)  so that when you're together you don't have a headache from dehydration. Want to know what else is so amazing? Dating someone amazing has made me want to start cooking!? WHAT? who am I? I'm actually going to leave you with that final note since I"m on my way to my grandma's to learn how to make rolled grapeleaves…no, I'm not kidding and I'm not from the 17th century, I'm going to take cooking lessons from my grandma. Because being in love makes you do things you wouldn't normally do.